“When all of your flaws and all of my flaws
Are laid out one by one
A wonderful part of the mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone
All of your flaws and all of my flaws
They lie there hand in hand
Ones we’ve inherited, ones that we learned
They pass from man to man
You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up; let’s finish what we’ve started
Dig them up, so nothing’s left unturned
All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We’ll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we’d be doomed”
I feel like I have always compared myself to others. Which can be good. Or which can be bad.
In my early 20’s it was bad. I was never smart enough or pretty enough. I always said akward things, and always the perfect size 12, and was just never good enough. Whatever that “good enough” was. I am certain that was only through my eyes for my friends and family NEVER made me feel this way. But for some reason the voice in your head speaks a lot louder than the voice of those who love you. I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t have Pinterest in those days. For as much as I love Pinterest, I hate it. So much talent on that site. The bar is set way too high for a mom of two and a full time job.
It was in my thirties that I met Sam. And she may hate me for saying this, and though she walked in the room like a ball of sunshine, she was as awkward as I was. She was still in her late teens, and I was in my early thirties. I was now just beginning to realize the importance accepting your flaws instead of bearing them. While Sam still young, wore her flaws on her sleeves and embraced them. Or so it seemed.
It’s crazy the things an old lady, like me, can learn from a young girl. It’s crazy to see the friendship that can blossom, the love that’s grown, and the respect that we embrace for one another. And many of those things I learned from Sam. I remember her saying, “Denise when you say things like that, it hurts my feelings.” Had she not shared that with me, I would have never learned.
As I entered my forties I was welcomed cancer. I do believe I was diagnosed 4 days before my birthday. I think. And I was also welcomed by a new out take on life. I know who my friends are. I embrace my flaws. I know what’s important, and I know it’s important to remain true to yourself. I know not to waste time on things that make you unhappy, and I know that time and energy is spent better on good causes and making people smile. I know the importance of saying nice things when you think them (even if you look silly). And the importance of looking at things from another angle when you disagree. The only thing that remains is my lack of a filter in the way I speak. It still has big gaps. Ya, I’m not so keen on filtering.
The last time I went to Africa, I met a girl named Veronica. Veronica is about 13 and needn’t say a word. Her eyes spoke of the hardships she’s had and the curiosity her mind begged for. Her eyes speak of the love she desires, and the honesty she holds. I’m not saying this because she is wise beyond her years. I say this because she hides her flaws in the way I do. I see it. I feel it. The need to be accepted at age 13 is beyond what i could handle at 13 and at 40. Why do some people make us bend into someone we are not? And that is why I love my small circle of friends. They adore me, filter ot not.
I think it’s important to teach the young that it is the flaws that define you. It is my flaws that define me. After all, anytime there is a typo in a post you certainly know Denise wrote it. And while I have been criticized for my grammar, the things I say, I am okay with it. After all I am just who I am. I only have so much time and so much energy. If I spend it all day on trying to be perfect, I wouldn’t have time to spend with my family, to help my sweet kids, or trying to change the face of beauty. Heck, I would loose site of who I am.
I’m not really sure where this post is going. Lately, I just randomly record things as I’m driving. It’s kind of nice, not typing, and just speaking into my phone. Only problem is you get a bunch of random thoughts for a girl who’s mind wanders aimlessly.
My message to you is to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Stop looking behind you, stopping looking in front of you, and start looking around you. You are surrounded by people who love you. People who you do not have to compare yourself to. You are you. You are your flaws. And that’s the most beautiful person you could be. Flawed.